The ballad of "i hired a naked man to clean my apartment"
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So if you believe our mission is important and necessary, please consider a small monthly contribution to the Mercuryand we'll keep working hard for you and those who need it most! Courtney Ferguson Awww, Cub Ginger is the cutest! This week seems like the perfect time—post-World Naked Bike Ride, pre-Pride—to tell you about when I found a naked man in my house pawing through my things, and unlike many nude snoopers, he was a welcome and delightful guest.
The man in question, Cub Ginger, is one of a team of naked male house cleaners for a Portland company called Cub Cleanerswho will swab your abode for a couple hours or a full day, all while being total nudniks. I got a trial cleaning for three hours. Was it awkward?
Not nearly as much as you'd think. Was it awesome?
Totally and completely. This is what it must feel like to be a rich person. So you probably have a pantsload of questions, eh? Hit the jump and I'll cover most of 'em. Yes, there's more pictorial evidence.
What happened when he showed up? Cub Ginger, or Johnny, arrived with a tote bag of supplies, dressed in shorts and a flowing red beard, and his phone out ready to check in with headquarters. He was pretty stoked that I live in Southeast, because he takes the bus everywhere and it can be hard to get up to the West Hills, which le to your next question Who are Cub Cleaners' primary customers?
Job description and requirements
I was Johnny's first-ever female customer. I laughed when he asked me what my partner thought about using Cub Cleaners. I described my very brief conversation with my husband. Me: "Can I have a naked man over to clean our house" Husband: "Sure. Yeah, a little at first. There was a lot of aggressive eye contact on my part.
I would've gotten into an animal-kingdom death match if this were the wild. Johnny stripped down as soon as I gave him a tour of the house. He was super at ease, and talked me through it when I looked uncomfortable. He said that if I got tired of him being naked to just request "that he put back on his cute little underwear.
My cats, however, were never put at ease. Yeah, but, do naked house cleaners really just clean? Johnny says his friends ask him that all the time. Yes, naked house cleaners really just clean. And he did a great job. Over three hours, he cleaned two bathrooms, the kitchen, living room, and vacuumed up the t. It was sparkly when he was done.
The, ahem, rise of the nude male maid in the pink economy
Three hours isn't much time to fit in a consultation and a full housecleaning, so if you get a naked housecleaning in the near future, I'd recommend a bit more time to get stuff like all your knickknacks dusted not a euphemism. The Cubs do all sorts of cleanings too—basements, deep cleanings, weekly refreshers—the whole shebang. Have the naked cleaners ever been put into weird ooky situations?
Johnny says nothing untoward has ever happened to him. According to him, the owner of Cub Cleaners, Buck, says nothing unusual has been reported in their yearlong existence.
Basically Johnny calls into headquarters at the start of cleaning so the homeowner knows someone's got his back, and dispatch knows where he's at and how long he'll be there. They also recommend you don't have a bunch of people over to watch—'cuz, duh, that's kinda creepy. But all of Johnny's customers are great, he says.
The day a naked man came to clean my house
Depending on the week, Johnny has one or two cleanings. And dude loves to clean. His favorite job so far has been cleaning a hoarder's house.
You know in Seinfeldwhen there's "good naked" and "bad naked"? Which was this? Courtney Ferguson There was some squatting involved.
Hiring a nude maid service
And I don't know, I'm not a gay dude, so watching a naked bear clean my house doesn't do much to ramp up my ladyparts. Then at one point, a penis might have touched my dish towel.
But right on, naturalism! Most of all, I'm really into getting my house cleaned! That was the best. Last and most certainly least, what kind of music do you play when a bare-naked teddy bear is scrubbing the microwave? Jens Lekman seemed a little too happily self-hating. Greg Dulli too predatory. Beck's "Sexx Laws" too Adele too full of feelings eating.
I finally just hit shuffle and stopped freaking out. Should I try Cub Cleaners? I had a great experience. I'm thinking about calling to have my basement cleaned. Johnny was a sweetheart and a half. We chatted about roller derby, music, hoarding, cleaning, and he really wanted me to feel comfortable. And I didn't have to vacuum or scrub any showers.
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Naked male cleaner says business is booming after seeing 'gap in the market'
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